This is the day I’ve been dreading for several years but
dreading in earnest for the last twelve months.
Today is our nanny’s last day.
And y’all, I’m a hot mess.
I do not like change and I do not deal well with change
(ironic I was a change management consultant for over a decade). This change is no different. Katie came into our lives four years ago and
was truly Heaven sent. We had moved
halfway across the country the year prior with an infant and a toddler. We were coming off a not positive daycare
experience (after having a wonderful nanny in Virginia) and a short stint with
a nanny situation that wasn’t a great fit for her or for us and I was
tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally
exhausted.
Truthfully, I didn’t have strong feelings either way when
Katie accepted the position. I think
after a year of not being in a good place with childcare (an absolute nightmare
for a working mom) I was just looking for a situation that was fine. Too tired to hope for great.
Yet great is what we got.
Our kids have loved her and she has loved our kids. We love her and her amazing family. Don’t even get me started on how special Aunt
Peg and GoGo are to us or I may not be able to finish…
So last night as I woke up anxious about this change, this
transition and this morning when the tears welled up I decided I had a choice
to make. I can wallow in sadness (so
very tempting) or I can be incredibly thankful for this gift and I can choose
to be optimistic about the good things waiting for all of us.
Being a mom and working full time is a tricky business. Being a mom is a full time gig in and of
itself so adding a career to that is a constant dance, sometimes the awkward
junior high dance and sometimes a beautiful waltz.
I’ve been mind-blowingly blessed to be able to work from
home for just shy of 6 years. I’ve said
for a long time that I feel like I have the best of both worlds. My kids have had the comfort of home and Mom
nearby while I’ve had the joy of having them close and having a rewarding
career. Seriously, who gets to do that?!
Katie has been a huge part of making all that work. Knowing how to keep the kids around enough
that I’m able to pop in, give hugs, tuck in at naptimes and how to occupy them
to enable me to work. I was a nanny for
three years in college and honestly, I always felt very awkward when their mom,
who I loved, was around. “Do I pretend she’s not here and do our
normal thing??”
If she ever felt awkward, she certainly didn’t show it. She fit right in and lived life with us.
And it’s really, really hard to know that what has been so
normal for four years is changing.
I was joking with a lady the other day that if I had known
parenting involved this many changes, I wasn’t sure I would have signed
up. My structure-loving-change-averse
nerves feel raw and exposed with all the new.
I like the old!!!
So I’m praying a lot. Crying a lot. And trying really hard
to remember that when one chapter comes to a close a new one opens.
